Every now and then I’ve had to deal with people who feel judged around me.
Some are bold enough to say it.
Others are not. So they’ll just find a way of saying or showing it.
Once, a relative pulled out an alcoholic drink, poured it into a glass, and was about to drink.
But in the process, he was like, “This won’t send me to hell. It’s just to warm up the body.”
And it was just two of us in the room so it was obvious he wanted me to hear what he was saying because he was feeling judged.
But in my mind, I’m like, “But I didn’t stop you from drinking your thing.”
That is just one of them. You’ll find friends, co-workers, Church members, feeling judged around you.
I want to share a few reasons this happens.
This should help us understand why someone may feel judged no matter how hard you try to make them comfortable – which you’ll try to do if you’re one of the sensitive ones.
And most times it’s not your fault. Sometimes, it is.
Understanding things has helped a lot and I want to share my discoveries with you.
Why do people feel Judged Around You?
With the way human nature is, it’s sometimes impossible to tell why a person feels the way they do.
Depending on the situation of things, they may not even know why.
It may not even be our fault.
And sometimes making them feel good will be completely out of our control.
But if people sort of feel judged around you, here are a few major reasons this may be happening.
1) Individual Differences
If you’re constantly developing yourself, you’ll most times find yourself among people who feel you’re judgmental.
Raising the bar makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes unsafe.
Surely not everyone will feel that way. Some will.
But there will be people who, instead of minding their business, working on themselves, or believing in themselves a little more, will find it easier to feel you’re judgy.
Most times this is because they don’t want to feel the responsibility of becoming better individuals. So they just want to shift the blame to someone else and call them judgy.
As you develop yourself, you’ll be better than most people physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
So if you are constantly having to deal with people feeling judged, most times it’s not your fault.
Individual differences will also mean difficulty in compatibility.
Being better, and sometimes different will always be a problem.
This is because 70% of the time you’ll be doing things better or different from the person or people around you.
While this is not your fault, I am sharing this so we understand and take it easy on ourselves when we find ourselves in these situations.
So even when you try not to judge others or make them feel judged, those differences will cause the other person to feel uneasy.
If you are always trying to stay fit, most times you’ll be avoiding things other people want to kill themselves with.
If you’re constantly studying the Bible, many times you’ll be refusing to do things other people think is okay.
Same goes if you want to stay faithful to your partner and every other person wants to cheat or commit adultery.
You get the point by now.
So whenever they want to do something you don’t do, even when you are not actively telling them not to, a part of them feels uneasy with your presence and may lead to them feeling judged.
And for someone who’s serious about living a life with purpose, whether you are judging people or not, I’d say 70% of the time people will feel judged around you because of the difference in standards and priorities.
As someone who’s serious about living a life with purpose, whether you are judging people or not, I’d say 70% of the time people will feel judged around you because of the difference in standards and priorities.
So let yourself off the hook.
They could be humble and become better individuals. They could take responsibility for their problems.
But don’t let anyone blame you for being you.
2) Insecurity
There are a thousand reasons people feel insecure.
It could be low self esteem, jealousy, ignorance, pride, etc.
Most insecure people will feel uncomfortable around someone they perceive to be ‘better’ than them.
And most insecure people may come after you. Especially when their problem is pride or jealousy.
Many people like it when they can control and manipulate others. They like it when they are the undisputed Prince of the territory.
So if you enter that space and make everyone see a better side of things, one of the ways they’ll try to fight you is to portray you as judgy.
This is an attempt to keep anyone from using the light you shine to see through their shenanigans.
3) Pride
Nope. Don’t look at them.
It’s you this time. I don’t want to bruise your ego. But I also don’t want to keep the truth from you.
It’s easy to point the accusing finger at others. But sometimes we have to take a closer look at ourselves.
If you’re doing better than a proud person – which may not even be your intention – they’ll often feel insecure around you. There’s that.
But then, if you are a proud person, most people will have a hard time being comfortable around you too.
This is because a proud person hardly takes instructions. And is not careful about hurting others.
If you are proud, it will cause most people to walk on eggshells around you.
Because a proud person is often high-minded, overconfident, and loud, it causes many people to feel judged around them.
If you think you’re proud, learn to be humble and you’ll see others feel better around you.
4) It’s an attack
I have mentioned this already while talking about individual differences.
Sometimes when people say you’re judgy, that is not the real problem.
You may not be judgy.
Your life is just different from the careless, sometimes wicked lifestyle they are living.
So instead of changing, they’ll want to attack you.
They’ll want to paint you black. And one of the tactics they’ll use is to call you judgy.
Once someone starts advertising something, people begin to see it as true.
Many self-centered, insecure people, especially narcissists, use this tactic.
They want to put a picture of the judgy you in people’s minds to keep them from seeing the better standards you set and the self-serving tactics they thrive on.
It’s always an attempt to keep people from seeing them for the manipulator they are.
It’s an attempt to force the narrative that everyone is bad, so you have no right to point out that others are bad – even when that’s not what you are doing.
Wrapping Up
These are a few reasons why people will feel judged around you no matter what you do.
You can work your way around some, especially when it’s your fault.
For example, if you’re proud or difficult, you could adjust to make others feel welcome around you.
Also, if it’s a space you can get out of, simply excuse yourself and let them have the life they want.
But never let an insecure person make you drop your standards by forcing the narrative that you’re judgy.
Maintain your standards. They’ll either come around and become better individuals – which they’ll thank you for – or they’ll hate you and maybe find a way to eject you from the space, or leave themselves.
And if they decide to stay in the same space with you, know that they’ll occasionally try to hate on, trick you, or set you up.
So stay awake.
Don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Also, don’t let anyone change you.
Stand your ground.
But do so with love and respect.
Whether they are above or beneath you in hierarchy, know that people will only fight you if you’re better.
When you stand your ground, maintain your standards, but still show them love and respect, you ultimately prove to them and everyone watching who is boss.
Featured Image: Photo by Hugo Martínez from Pexels.