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Just Us Girl is a series on YouTube produced by the wise and intelligent Pastor Mildred-Kingsley Okonkwo.
It has become one of my favorite shows right now.
I get that many people watch it but just not quite sure what to make of it. Some watch, understand what is going on but miss out on tiny little details that are not on the surface.
This breakdown is about pointing out some of the glaring life and relationship issues revealed in the Just Us Girls Series.
The long-awaited Season 2 of the drama is finally here. We all just couldn’t wait to see what would become of Kanyinsola after her fiance, Munachi caught up with her and her lies.
Now if you haven’t seen Episode 1 of the second JUG season, follow this link to watch it on YouTube, then come back here let’s talk about some major truths.
As usual, there’s so much to talk about so let’s dive right into it.
Good Friends are priceless
It’s easy to notice how Ameh and Jite are supporting Kanyinsola during this impossible period in her life.
This is the kind of time most people take their lives. They just can’t stand the shame, the guilt, the worst of all, the uncertainty about the future of Kayin’s relationship with her friends, her mom, and Muna.
Trust me, in life, you need good friends, even if it’s one. But you don’t get many of them so don’t neglect the ones you have. As the Bible says, “Thine own friend, and thy father’s friend, forsake not;” Proverbs 27:10a (KJV).
Jite had to make time to visit Munachi and plead on Kayin’s behalf. This is what friends are for. This helped sway Muna into talking to Kayin again. (Although his love for Kayin is more than we can ever put in words).
Lies don’t end well
“White lie” or not, you’re better off telling the truth. If the person you’re with is one that can’t take the truth and be mature enough about it, then there is something fundamentally wrong with that relationship already.
This doesn’t mean you go telling everything to everyone. But when you have to pile up lie after lie, there is a problem that needs to be dealt with on time.
Good relationships are built on trust. It’s hard to truly love someone you don’t trust. Well, unless you’ve given up already on true love.
If you peel back the layers you’ll find there are so many bad reasons behind every lie.
You may find selfishness, the desire to manipulate (how do you do that to someone you love?), low self-esteem, excessive need to be loved (big problem), fear, etc.
While telling lies may seem little to most, when you look harder, you’ll find there are so many things wrong about the situation and the person telling lies.
Sometimes it’s not their fault but you can’t unsee the damage.
Kayin may think she lies because of her mom but she needs to realize it has become part of her now.
She needs to promptly start work on herself. For something you’ve been doing for as long as you can remember, it has become part of you.
She will think she only does it to protect herself from her mom. While there may be truth to that, the other truth she is not seeing is that anytime she is truly scared of something, she’ll lie.
That’s just it.
It’s become part of her nervous system. Even when she doesn’t want to do it, even when she doesn’t realize it, she’ll lie.
This is why people need to truly give their lives to Christ. Sometimes when you’re dealing with stuff, go for counseling, therapy, so you can deal with it from the root.
Is Muna wasting his time?
Apart from wasting his time, will he ever get what he wants? How long will it take before he finally gets it?
While it’s easy to appreciate his love and persistence, would I allow my own brother to be turned inside out for years by someone he wants to marry?
I don’t think many of us would allow it. Roast me however you want but except God compels me, I’d be out of that place.
The one thing I can say though about Munachi is how he took time to recollect the instances where Kayin clearly lied to his face.
See if you don’t want to make the same mistakes in life, if you don’t want to be a fool over and over again, take time to recollect.
Try not to use alcohol. Every time you are upset.
The reason many fall for the same lie over and over again is that they never remember.
When you don’t remember, it’s easy for the other party to shove more lies down your throat and manipulate you as much as they want.
This is why manipulators never want to talk about issues on time.
Now don’t get me wrong, trying to solve problems when everyone is too sad or too heated up to be properly objective is not a good idea. Give some space, clarify your thoughts inside and be sure you’re not mixing things up.
But treat things on time. Manipulators avoid you long enough so they can confuse you because after a week or so, you probably won’t remember everything that happened.
I went deeper into this manipulative tactic in this article. Read it to learn how to spot them.
This is why I say again, take time to properly see in your head what really happened otherwise you’ll be used and gaslit over and over again.
Manipulators also love to get people emotional and angry. They make the most of what’s called ether.
When you’re emotional, you’re bound to accept crap because you’re feeling good.
Secondly, when you’re angry, it’s easy for someone to get you to overreact and then turn to tell you you’re the problem. This is a proper gaslighting technique used by most narcissists and manipulators.
We’ll talk more about narcissists in subsequent articles.
Ife shows parenting is not about being mean
Now Ife is trying to convince her mom she wasn’t far from the house when her aunt, Chief, came.
One thing we can learn from this is that forcing on your kids doesn’t do much if we can’t pray for them, be their role models, correct them with love, and wait for them with love when they fall apart.
Clearly, Ife did not get much of that. She looks like she was the home to Church to school type. But that didn’t change anything.
She clearly lacks the skills needed to survive in a tough business world but knows how to steal a man’s phone number from her sister’s phone.
And talking about role models, Kayin and her friends are not even helping this Ife girl. Although she is already a bad egg, she is learning all the wrong things from her older housemates.
Kayin Appears Traumatized
A proper diagnosis from an expert would shed more light on all that is really going on with her.
But going by the definition, childhood trauma results from childhood events that cause long-lasting emotional, physical, and mental problems to a child, this may be what Kayin is going through.
Clearly the impact of her mom’s emotional neglect has had a long-lasting impact on her.
It’s the same effect we see in people who didn’t quite grow up in the proper space filled with love, accountability and respect – Kanyinsola is an adult with a little girl inside.
Now we all sometimes behave as kids, but this is not what I’m talking about. Respect (and sometimes applying wisdom when you’re around certain people) is different from fear.
It’s how she’s still scared of her mom as an adult. She’s constantly on eggshells when Chief is around and would literally shiver if her mom even makes an unexpected sound or gesture.
This is traumatizing and can mess with a person’s self-esteem big time.
The little girl inside her is still very much alive – more alive than it should be.
It became quite clear when Kayin told Jite, “She’s so hard to please…growing up, she never approved any of my choices.”
Every child inherently needs and expects love from her parents. When we don’t get it but get the opposite, we find ways to survive.
Since going against our parents would hurt us mentally or physically, we subconsciously adapt by finding ways to please them.
Like, it can be very damaging and confusing to try to protect yourself (emotionally) from your own parents who are supposed to be the ones to care for you. It’s more than difficult.
So in that environment (as a kid with her mom), Kanyin has learned survival techniques like lying, pleasing people, etc.
And most times, she’s not even sure of herself. I feel for her, that doesn’t mean it can’t be annoying at times.
And so these things have become part of her. It’s now part of her nervous system – kicks in anytime she’s scared someone may be angry or may not approve of her. So she’s constantly afraid of Chief without even knowing what she did wrong.
And you would think her mental issues would end with Chief but that’s now how these things work.
The same way you respond, you protect yourself around Chief is the same way you’ll want to protect yourself around anyone else whenever you feel any kind of fear.
That’s why she’s lying to Chief, lying to Muna, even to her housemates.
Even people pleasing has become part of her because that is how she grew up – always trying to please Chief.
This is why it gets on my nerves when I see children abused. Do you know the damage you’re causing this kid and whoever she’ll get to relate with now and for the rest of her life?
Like, it enrages me inside. The love of God gives me sense though because…never mind.
If I stay here, we won’t talk about anything else. Let’s move.
We do need to get hold of ourselves so we can enjoy life more and make better decisions.
What is Sammy up to?
I don’t know why he keeps getting big money and coming back for more.
Yet, he’s not showing true signs of commitment even having dated this girl for so long.
What is he up to? Are his relatives truly sick? Is he scamming Jite?
I was expecting her to request they visit this relative of his. But maybe because she’s too busy at the moment.
She could also feel obliged to trust her man because, what is love without trust?
Life is easier when you trust someone and don’t have to watch them round the clock, constantly worried about what they may be doing in your absence.
But why does he feel so comfortable asking someone she’s not so committed to for so much money?
Ameh and her Brah Felix
Seriously, why should someone present a burning red flag and you still won’t see anything wrong with it.
This guy hurt you. Nearly ripped off your arm, because we’ve seen him grab you a few times.
And instead of apologizing which is the right thing that should follow after you hurt someone, he brings a gift and gaslights you while presenting it.
Apology goes like, “I’m sorry I hurt you. This is where I got it wrong. I won’t do it again.”
But no, Bro walks in majestically and tell Ameh with her eyes wide open, “This is meant to cheer you up so you don’t feel bad for making me hit you.”
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IN 2024?
Naaah, we’re way past this. And if you’re not aware, it’s called gaslighting.
When can you say someone is gaslighting you?
When someone hurts you, insults or abuses, but instead of apologizing, they find ways to shove it down your throat.
They tell you it’s your fault they are insulting you or hurting you. This is a technique used by most people, especially narcissists to control, manipulate, dominate, and exploit others mentally and emotionally.
You better be aware of these signs and stand your ground to avoid constant abuse, hurt and insults.
Other Key moments from JUG
- “I am a very charming young man”: Muna thought it was all about charm. No bro. When the powers that be (both visible and invisible) are against you, your charm and even money don’t mean nothing. We’ve seen marriage ‘introductions’ go very wrong. You need God’s presence, His favor to succeed in these moments.
- “You’re nervous and it’s making me nervous”: We know your woman is supposed to be by your side at all times. But please, try not to show excessive anxiety and fear around them. It doesn’t quite go well for them, especially in circumstances like Muna’s first day in Chief’s house. Don’t let someone intimidate the life out of you, they don’t give you life. Please!
There is a whole lot more to this and I would like your take in the comments section below.
To watch this episode, please visit the link: https://youtu.be/kzwEBqtZ0kc
