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“We reach the truth not only by the reason but also by the heart,” wrote Blaise Pascal. And indeed, our hearts often tug at us, nudging us to ask: Is this person being genuine?
We’ve all had moments where we’ve questioned whether the person we’re talking to—whether a friend, partner, colleague, or family member—is being real with us.
In a world riddled with performances and social masks, discerning authenticity can feel like walking through a hall of mirrors.
Why does authenticity matter so much? Indeed it does.
Studies show that authentic relationships correlate strongly with higher psychological well-being and lower levels of stress.
Trust, in particular, is the cornerstone of every meaningful relationship, whether romantic, professional, or platonic.
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), maintaining authentic relationships predicated on honesty fosters resilience, emotional health, and long-term satisfaction in life.
But where trust is lacking, you will hardly feel the true impact of the acts of love performed by the other person as you’re constantly battling with thoughts of how long the show of love will last or if they have selfish reasons behind their actions.
By the end of this article, you will have a clearer understanding of how to identify 9 key signs that differentiate authenticity from pretense.
What exactly is Authenticity?
In psychology, authenticity means that someone acts in a way that’s congruent with their true feelings, desires, and self-concept.
This person is not bound by social constructs or the need to appear perfect. Instead, they interact from a place of openness and genuine self-expression, even if that means showing their flaws.
But why do many people fake it? You’d think it’s easier for people to show up as their real and authentic selves instead of wearing the heavy mask of pretense.
But it’s not that simple. So why do people fake it?
Why People Fake It
It’s not always about deception, trust me. Many often wear a mask to protect themselves.
Common reasons people “fake it” include fear of rejection, insecurity, or the social pressures of fitting in.
That’s one side of the coin. On the other side, people put on a façade as a form of manipulation, attempting to influence others for personal gain.
Read the article on The Personality Trait Makeup to learn more.
The Impact of Authentic Connections
Genuine relationships are invaluable for emotional well-being. Authentic interactions lead to feelings of connectedness, trust, and mutual respect.
In fact, a 2017 study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that authentic communication among romantic partners contributed directly to higher levels of relationship satisfaction and overall life satisfaction.
On the flip side, when we engage in superficial or performative relationships, we often feel drained, emotionally exhausted, and disconnected, leading to burnout and stress.
The 10 Signs of Authenticity
Here are 10 signs that a person is real with you and not faking it.
1. They Are Open About Their Vulnerabilities
Authentic individuals understand that vulnerability fosters stronger connections. This is something many don’t know so they fake things to their own detriment.
When someone shares their insecurities, fears, or past mistakes, it serves as an invitation for deeper trust.
Vulnerability is far from weakness—it’s showing up as one’s unrefined self, which requires great courage.
For instance, a genuine person may share personal challenges without trying to sugarcoat them. In contrast, fakers often maintain a polished exterior, avoiding any admission of flaws.
Research from Brené Brown, a prominent researcher on vulnerability, reinforces that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” This emotional openness drives deeper, meaningful relationships that are built on trust rather than pretense.
However, this does not mean you should go wash dirty linen in public or give core life secrets to any random person you happen to know a little about.
2. They’re Consistent in Their Actions and Words
Integrity is defined by the alignment of actions and words. Authentic people say what they mean and do what they say.
Their actions consistently reflect their beliefs and values, providing a reassuring sense of stability in relationships.
When someone’s actions repeatedly align with their words, it builds trust.
Conversely, if someone’s words and actions often contradict each other, it may signal manipulation or insincerity.
A red flag might be when someone says they deeply care about you but repeatedly cancels plans last minute or fails to follow through on commitments. Authenticity thrives on consistency.
3. They Provide Constructive Feedback, Even When It’s Hard
True sincerity sometimes means delivering tough love. An authentic person will not shy away from telling you difficult truths if they believe it’s in your best interest.
They prioritize honesty over sugar-coating reality, even if it risks temporary discomfort. However, they will deliver feedback in a balanced and empathetic manner.
Knowing the difference between malicious criticism and constructive feedback is essential.
Sometimes even when feedback may be needed, the timing can be wrong. If you sense the person might explode, you could delay the feedback an go along with something positive until the time is right to give feedback to someone.
4. They’re Not Afraid to Disagree With You
Healthy and genuine relationships thrive on honest disagreement. Someone authentic will feel comfortable expressing differing opinions, knowing respectful disagreements can enhance mutual understanding.
They won’t simply “go along” or say what they think you want to hear just to avoid conflict. Authenticity means standing firm in one’s beliefs while respecting the views of others.
By contrast, a person who consistently agrees with you may be more intent on pleasing you or avoiding confrontation than on being truthful. True respect often includes the space to hold differing views.
5. They Listen Actively and Empathetically
Active listening is an emotional investment. Authentic people do more than just hear you—they listen deeply.
Signs of active listening include making eye contact, giving verbal acknowledgments like nodding or paraphrasing, and asking thoughtful follow-up questions.
They reflect back what they’ve understood, making you feel seen and validated.
Inauthentic listeners often engage with half an ear, waiting for their turn to speak, rather than truly absorbing what you’re saying.
Genuine listening builds trust, as it signifies that your thoughts, experiences, and emotions matter.
6. They Apologize and Take Accountability
Taking accountability requires maturity and emotional intelligence. Authentic individuals take responsibility for their mistakes and issue genuine apologies.
They won’t shift the blame onto someone else, nor will they offer empty apologies such as “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
A genuine apology acknowledges the harm done and shows a willingness to make amends, with actions to back up what they say.
As they say, the good ones change. How, by constantly taking steps to change. Some people just keep abusing, insulting, doing harm to others and call it “being real.”
Fake and manipulative people may even apologize but never change. They keep doing the same harm for years.
People who are sincere about being good to others work on bad behavior. They don’t excuse it or gaslight others while they continue with bad behavior.
If someone brushes off their mistake or avoids apologizing altogether, or avoid taking measurable steps to change, it’s a red flag for inauthenticity.
7. They Show Consistent Emotional Availability
Emotional availability is crucial in authentic relationships. Genuine people are there for you during both your high and low moments.
They provide emotional support and have the capacity to hold space for others.
Be cautious of emotional “mirages”—those who show up only when it’s convenient or glamorous. True emotional availability endures through both good and bad times.
8. They Respect Your Boundaries Without Question
Healthy relationships thrive on the mutual respect of boundaries, whether those boundaries pertain to personal space, time, or emotional limits.
Authentic individuals understand that honoring these boundaries is an act of love and respect.
Inauthentic people, on the other hand, may push boundaries in subtle ways, aiming to manipulate or control the relationship.
If someone respects your limits without complaint or dismissal, they’re likely to be invested in your well-being on a deeper level.
To help you, here are 10 things you don’t owe anyone an explanation for.
9. They Don’t Try to ‘Fit In’ All the Time
Real and authentic individuals celebrate their uniqueness. They’re not overly concerned with conforming or fitting into every group.
Instead of altering their personality to suit the specific social setting, they remain true to themselves, even if that makes them stand out.
On the other hand, someone trying too hard to fit in may constantly shift their behavior, opinions, or style to blend into their surrounding environment.
This incessant desire to mold oneself often leads to a loss of self and ignites feelings of disconnection.
But this may be hard to take if you’re shy and sensitive. Many things make such people conform to situations on autopilot.
Read this article on overcoming shyness to learn how to overcome shyness ad live an authentic life.
How to Tell the Difference Between Authenticity and Deception
While the ten signs above serve as a guide, distinguishing authenticity from deception can sometimes be tricky.
Here’s how to sharpen your discernment:
Non-Verbal Cues: Body language, eye contact, and microexpressions can reveal more than words. A genuine person tends to engage fully, often showing emotions through facial expressions and body language that align with what they are saying.
Something else you can pick on is the behavior of their pupil. The eye gives most people away. The pupil appears unsafe or a little ‘distracted’. It is a sign something else is going on inside.Detecting Red Flags: Be wary of subtle cues like manipulative flattery, changing behavior according to the audience, or passive aggression. People who are faking their emotions often leave traces of inconsistency.
Trust Your Instinct: Sometimes, the gut feeling we get around others can be a powerful compass. If someone feels “off,” pay attention to what might be setting your intuition aflutter.
Importance of Authentic Relationships in Mental Well-Being
Without a doubt, authentic relationships are key to emotional and psychological well-being.
Research continually shows that individuals in genuine, emotionally-supportive relationships experience lower rates of depression, anxiety, and stress.
These connections nourish our self-worth, foster trust, and allow us to be our true selves without fear of judgment or rejection.
Conversely, investing time in unauthentic relationships can lead to emotional fatigue and burnout. Pretending wastes energy—yours and theirs.
Building Authentic Connections
Be Honest About Your Expectations: Communication is the backbone of authenticity. Clearly articulate your needs, desires, and expectations.
Lead by Example: Show vulnerability and encourage others to do the same by embracing your imperfections.
Foster Open Dialogue: Encourage honest conversations and respect differing perspectives, even when disagreements arise.
- Establish and Respect Boundaries: Be both clear about your limits and mindful of others’ boundaries.
Conclusion
Authenticity is not about perfection. Rather, it is about integrity, respect, and showing up as your true self.
Now that you know the 9 signs of authenticity, you can start to build relationships rooted in trust, vulnerability, and genuine emotional support.
Remember, you don’t need everyone to be perfect, but you do deserve authenticity in those closest to you. Seek out real connections—and if you recognize that you’ve been faking it, know that it’s possible to change.
Honest, open, and authentic living is a beautiful legacy that each of us can cultivate.
