By
Anyone who’s been through the storms of life can confirm that it’s sometimes impossible to deal with.
The struggle is not just physical. Many times it’s having to show up every day despite the things we are dealing with. And that my friend is one of the hardest parts of going through a storm.
So why do some people appear to be immovable pillars of strength, even when life throws its harshest storms at them? Is it something innate? Do they possess a secret formula?
The truth is that resilience, the ability to recover may not come naturally—it’s largely a set of cultivated behaviors and mindsets.
As Dr. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, once said: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
While I agree with Dr. Frankl. It is true that we can change for the worse if we are not careful. So what are the core attributes to possess if we are to endure and overcome tough spells in life?
Let’s uncover the traits that empower people to thrive under pressure and explore actionable steps to implement them in your life.
Why Does Resilience Matter?
So what is resilience and why does it matter? Resilience is often described as “bouncing back” from setbacks, but it’s deeper than that.
Psychologists define resilience as the capacity to adapt positively in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant stressors.
It’s about enduring life’s challenges without losing grip on your core values, optimism, and sense of purpose.
Why do we all this this attribute?
It’s because life is unpredictable. Whether it’s a medical crisis, financial hardship, or personal heartbreak, challenges are inevitable.
And many times the only way out is through. You can’t run from it. You have to face it.
This is where resilience comes it — your ability to endure the hardship and also find a way out of it. And you just can’t run or give up, you have to get through it.
Resilience is an indispensable quality for all men. Even the book of Proverbs agrees:
If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small – Proverbs 24:10
The 8 Resilient Behaviors
While genetic predispositions and childhood experiences influence us, behavioral science confirms that resilience can be cultivated.
This means you are not at the mercy of external circumstances—you have the power to shape how you respond to hardship.
Here are 8 behaviors of people who stay strong and resilient during hard times. You can learn these habits too.
1. They Acknowledge Their Emotions, Without Allowing Them to Control Their Actions
Resilience doesn’t mean being stoic or suppressing emotions. On the contrary, resilient people are deeply aware of what they feel—whether it’s fear, anger, or sadness—but they don’t allow emotions to hijack their actions.
Acknowledging emotions creates a pathway for regulating them. Research from Emotion, a leading psychological journal, shows that emotional regulation is closely linked to lower stress levels and improved problem-solving skills.
As simple as it may sound, it’s going to take some work to learn it.
When overwhelmed by emotions, pause and name what you’re feeling (e.g., “I’m frustrated” or “I’m anxious”).
Practices like mindfulness meditation or journaling provide a safe outlet to process these feelings constructively.
2. They Embrace Adaptability and View Change as an Opportunity
Change can feel threatening because it disrupts our comfort zones. We just don’t like change. We always want to stick with the familiar. It’s how we’re wired.
Resilient individuals, however, approach change with curiosity, seeing it as a chance to pivot and grow.
If your life is crashing down on you, it may be the time to change things. You can’t keep doing the same thing expecting a different outcome. No sound person does that.
3. They Maintain a Solution-Oriented Mindset
Some always want to boil over, pick fights and point fingers when things go wrong. But this is life.
Problems are inevitable, but staying stuck in them isn’t. Resilient people shift their energy from what’s wrong to what can be fixed. They ask themselves empowering questions like, “What’s the next possible step?”
Why It Works:
By focusing on solutions, resilient individuals remain proactive, which curbs feelings of helplessness. A study in Cognitive Therapy and Research found that solution-focused thinking correlates with reduced stress and anxiety.
Practical Tip:
The next time you feel stuck, brainstorm three possible actions—even if they’re small. It’s not about finding the perfect solution but taking steps that move you forward.
4. They Lean on a Support System but Stay Self-Reliant
Contrary to what some might think, resilient people are not lone wolves. they have friends.
They strike a balance between seeking support and maintaining self-reliance. They recognize the importance of relationships while taking ownership of their growth and decisions.
But due to bad experiences and traumatic childhood, some of us have given up on making friends.
But you will have to make freinds. Use your experience to keep out bad people on time and make effort to keep the good ones. Don’t let bad experiences ruin life for you.
Why It Works:
Support networks provide emotional relief and practical advice, while self-reliance builds confidence. Both are essential to resilience, as shown in studies highlighting the role of social connections in reducing stress.
Practical Tip:
Identify three people in your life you can turn to, whether friends, family, or mentors. Anyone who wants to live long knows to keep parasites at arm’s length.
Simultaneously, cultivate small practices (like problem-solving tasks) that reinforce your independence.
5. They Cultivate Gratitude and Focus on the Positives
ONe thing I’ve learned in life. Nobody loves complainers. No matter how much they like you, if every time the talk to you you’re going on and on about how difficult life is, they’ll get tired.
You may think they don’t like you but no, complains are exhausting. No matter what life will happen. Accept the reality.
No matter how hard you try it’s going to hit you hard at times. But try to be lively, make stupid jokes out of things.
You’ll get better eventually. You don’t have to lose all your friends because of a temporary season in your life.
Believe me I’ve been there and this advice is coming from someone who has been there and has come out of it.
Moreover, a life like that shows lack of faith in God. Remember what our Lord Jesus Christ said:
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!
Matthew 12:27-28
Why It Works:
Gratitude rewires neural pathways to promote optimism. Neuroscience research shows that regular gratitude is associated with lower cortisol levels and increased happiness.
Remeber Cortisol is a stress hormone. So it’s not just a spiritual exercise. God know exactly what he’s doing when He commands us to be grateful and joyful.
6. They Set Boundaries to Protect Their Energy
Resilient individuals recognize that their time and energy are limited. They set firm boundaries to safeguard their well-being, prioritizing what matters most.
Learn to say ‘no’ when you have to. Don’t be too easy.
Why It Works:
Boundaries prevent burnout and create space for personal growth.
When you say “no” to things that drain you, you are saying “yes” to things that empower you.
Practical Tip:
Start by identifying one area where your boundaries feel stretched (e.g., work or relationships). Practice saying “no” in a kind but firm manner, and remind yourself it’s an act of self-respect.
7. They Stay Committed to Their Values and Purpose
Anchored by their core values, resilient individuals maintain clarity even when life feels chaotic.
And this is not just for learning how to be resilient, it’s a life hack. Don’t say or acknowledge what you don’t agree with. It makes you more respectable and trustworthy.
People love stable individuals. It makes others feel safe around you.
Why It Works:
Research in positive psychology indicates that purpose-driven living increases resilience by providing a clear sense of direction during setbacks.
Practical Tip:
Reflect on your top three values and write them down. Revisit these often, especially during decision-making moments.
8. They Practice Self-Care Without Guilt
Resilient people see self-care as a necessity, not a privilege. And if caring for yourself, taking a nap, ignoring a call, telling someone you’re tired makes you wrong, then that’s bad.
You need to learn to take care of yourself unapologetically.
See, people love the real you. when you give too much of yourself, it keep diminishing in value because you have not time to refill. It’s the difference in you that makes you exciting to be with. Stop bending yielding all day long.
Over time, you’ll keep getting worse and at some point you’ll become very predictable, low in energy, exhausted, and sometimes even broke.
Why It Works:
Self-care strengthens mental and emotional well-being, making it easier to handle life’s challenges. Studies link self-care routines to reduced anxiety and improved sleep—two pillars of resilience.
Practical Tip:
Design a self-care routine tailored to your needs, whether it’s taking walks, enjoying a creative hobby, or setting aside time for relaxation.
Sometimes you don’t even need a routine. Simply go back to what feeds and nurtures you.
Things like your favorite songs, prayer, hobbies, exercising, sports, good friends, TV shows, books, etc.
How to Cultivate Resilience in Your Own Life
Resilience isn’t a mysterious superpower. It’s shaped by habits, beliefs, and consistent behaviors.
Thanks to neuroplasticity, the human brain can reshape itself through repeated experiences and thoughts.
- Start Small: Choose one behavior today and commit to incorporating it into your daily life.
- Celebrate Progress: Don’t undervalue small victories—each step you take is momentum gained.
- Seek Professional Help: A therapist can provide invaluable tools and strategies to help cultivate resilience.
Conclusion: Resilience Is Within Everyone’s Reach
Resilience doesn’t mean avoiding storms; it means learning how to dance in the rain.
Adopting the eight behaviors discussed can cultivate strength and adaptability, no matter what life throws your way.
Take a moment to reflect: Which of these behaviors resonates most with you? Commit to focusing on one this week and take an actionable first step.
Do something. Don’t just read this and go. Do something. That’s how you improve your life. I love you. And I know you are getting stronger.
Resilience isn’t built overnight, but it’s always within your power to begin. With time, you’ll find yourself not just surviving challenges—but thriving through them.
Expert Tips for Resilience
- Start a meditation practice to improve emotional regulation.
- Create a “failure journal,” where you document how you’ve grown from past setbacks.
- Explore books like The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown or Resilient by Rick Hanson.
Remember, resilience is a journey, not a destination. Take it one day at a time—you’re stronger than you think.
